


Wait for me, brother

by nishli



Category: The Infernal Devices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Curses, Hurt, Pain, grieving will herondale, i cried
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:33:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24148219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nishli/pseuds/nishli
Summary: Jem's illness has a  tragic end. Will is grieving and trying to cope untill he cannot keep ot anymore.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	Wait for me, brother

Jem looked at the silver box on the table. His veins were burning.They were screaming for the silver drug, expecting to be heard.

 _No,_ the boy tried to stop the pain. He wasn‘t gong to let the yin fen control him. He was even trying to lessen the amount of the drug with every passing day.

His body wasn‘t accepting this decision. The pain was agonizing but Jem was telling himself that all of this is for Charlot, Henry and even Jessamine. And Will, always Will who was going to stay behind his walls forever without Jem.

However, Jem knew the end was unevitable. Soon or later the demon drug in his veins would kill him. He had accepted his death long ago. Ever since the Silent Brothers told him they were unable to get the yin fen out of him completely, he knew he was never going to find a true love or feel the joy of becoming a father. He knew he was a deadman.

Yet… he wasn‘t ready to give up on life. He had accepted death but that didn’t mean he would just die. If life was a burning candle his was going to burn fast and bright. He wasn’t going to let his illness completely ruin his life.

Yin fen or not, one day Death was going to come, soon or later. And when Death came Jem would follow it. But the moment for that hasn’t come yet.

The boy had no idea how close it was…

***

The winter was getting colder and colder and the world was covered in mist. Climbing the stairs to The Institute has never been harder for Jem.

Winter came and he gave up his decision to lessen the amount of yin fen. Dirty London air and its thick mist made that impossible ro execute.

***

Four days after Christmas the flu got him.

He couldn’t remember much from the first days in which he had only a few minutes rest before the next portion of pain attacked and knocked him unconscious. In those quiet moments he saw Will near his bed, always Will, sometimes Charlot or Henry or even the Silent Brothers.

In that moments of consciousness he was trying to scream that he did not need more of the yin fen to get better.

***

He woke up after three days of agonizing pain. Or so everyone told him. They told him he’s getting better and until the end of the week he’ll be healthy agian. As healthy as he could be with his underlying condition.

And then Jem was told he needed more yin fen. The Silent Brother had made the amount bigger in order to keep him alive. No one had heard his pleas.

He was told that the flu wasn’t deadly but could have killed him.

Jem didn’t know how to cope with the situation. He was angry but at the same time he knew that they might have chosen the right option. He has always been telling himself that if there was an opportunity to escape Death he will take the chance. Most important now was the present and right now Jem was alive.

He looked in Will’s direction and all the angst disappeared. Jem wasn’t going to leave him all alone against the whole world. Not now. Not ever.

***

The following months caused yin fen increase. Not long after the boy needed twice as much of the drug. He was getting weaker and weaker every day.

At first the stairs were challenging.

Then he hardly could stand up.

Jem's body wanted the drug and his veins were burning all the time. He thought about lowering it a little but his intentions couldn’t stop the burning.

His twinges got more frequent. And every time he was getting from the demon poison. The energy the drug was giving him vanished after seconds and the agony was starting again.

Jem was feeling the near end.

***

Will was feeling it too. He didn’t eat or sleep. He was just standing near Jem’s bed frightened that his parabatai will leave him forever at the very moment.

And he was worried about him. Even on his death bed.

They had spent the last days telling the stories only they knew

‘’Remember when you asked me to become your parabatai?”

‘’Yeah. And I remember you were terrible at throwing knives. And do you remember the ducks in Hide Park?’’

‘’ When they ate the pie? Of course, I will never forget their bloodthirsty little faces. What about Gabriel’s broken arm? “

“How could anyone forget his face that afternoon” Jem laughed, for the first time in weeks. But his smile faded almost instantly and his eyes started losing their glow. ”We both know that my end is coming. The good stories won’t do anything in the face of the inevitable”

Will’s eyes filled with tears just at the thought of losing Jem. He bit his lips and tried to stop the tears like he had been doing hundreds of times before. But this time was different. He couldn’t keep his stone face. Not when the only person he let himself love was dying.

“Will, there is no place for hope. My candle is almost burnt and its light will soon disappear. But you have a lot of time in front of you.Let yourself live the life you deserve,” whispered Jem.

“ IDIOT! Is that what you are thinking about right now!? About me and my life when yours is almost over. You’ve always been thinking about the others, haven’t you. Even now,” this time Will couldn’t hold his tears.

“ Will I know there’s something torturing you. You can’t hide it. You’re a good actor. But not so good”

Since years Will was thinking about telling Jem about the curse but he was never ready. The boy didn’t want to disturb him with his own problems, not in his condition. It wasn’t fair.

The curse was something Will needed to handle alone. Jem didn’t deserve to torture himself and if he knew he would. He has always tried to feel others’ pain. Like his own wasn’t enough.

No, the curse was staying only for Will. Always and forever.

‘’But I want you to remember something. Even if these are my last words. Will, you are better than you think, you don’t need to punish yourself for whatever ypu think your sin is. Promise me that after I’m gone you will try to live. Think about it as living for me, if you want but let yourself love and laugh. Show the world who you really are.

 _‘’ I hope it was so easy,”_ Will thought. ” _But I will try, brother. I will try to grant your last wish.”_

He couldn’t say anything lost in his tears. Jem tried to keep talking but the cough attacked him. He could only one silent ‘’Goodbye” before he closed his eyes forever.

At that very moment Will Herondale’s heart broke into a thousand pieces. He could hear how evey one of them was getting smaller and smaller until the only thing left was dust. He felt like someone had thrown a knife through him. He couldn’t breathe. And he wasn’t sure if he wanted to.

Hw wanted to die. To follow his brother and end his miserable existence. The Silent Brothers entered the room followed by Charlot, Henry, Jessamin and Sophie. Will was on the floor, lost in the pain and unable to move anywhere.

***

On the next day Will refused to wear white. He couldn’t accept the fact that Jem was gone. He didn’t attend the funeral. He just couldn’t.

***

The same happened on the following day.

***

And the following…

***

It has been month since Jem’s death and Will still couldn’t handle it. He didn’t eat or sleep and was just mumbling “ It’s all my fault”

Charlot was trying to cheer him up somehow but all her attempts were unsuccessful.

***

Will hoped that he will die. He remembered the promise he made but he just couldn’t live with the thought that he’s all alone now. In the last 5 years Jem was the only thing keeping him alive. But know Will was wondering if he was the reason his friend was dead.

He lost another person he loved because of the curse. How could he grant Jem’s wish and live when everyone who loved him was going to die. It was too much.

So he started building the wall around himself again. He didn’t talk with anyone, he didn’t want to meet anyone. Not before he was sure that everyone will hate him.

He didn’t know how he would manage living without Jem. It was hard before but now he was all alone against the whole world

***

After another month Will finally left his room. And he was ruder than ever. Yet everyone in the Institute could hear his crying at night and they knew that the heartless boy actually had the biggest heart. And they had no idea why he’s hiding it.

***

Six months had passed since Jem’s death. The pain in Will’s heart didn’t go away. He had tried to live. He had tried all the ways and nothing succeeded.

He hated himself because he was going to betray Jem. He hated himself because he was damned. He hated himself, hated himself, hated himself…

It was all his fault and he knew it. About Ella, about Jem He wasn’t going to let that happen again. No one loved him and no one was going to start loving him.

It was getting darker outside. The sunset made the training room pink. How beautiful sunset!

Will had a knife in his hand. One of the knives Jem taught him how to throw. It was right in front his heart or the hole where his heart was suppoused to be.

“ Brother, I’m coming!,” whispered Will to himself and jabbed the knife in his heart .With the last rays of sunlight, the last moments of Will Herondale’s life were gone


End file.
